I have never in my life gone under the knife until now. As a child I was always very prone to earaches and bouts of bronchitis. Once when I was about 7, I remember my appendix swelling. That was PAIN!! I couldn’t walk, I did nothing but lay around.
My dad was always my caretaker and it wasn’t because mom dukes wasn’t there, he was a possessive father. This is a realization that I just came to not so long ago.
There was a park that pop dukes would take me to. We usually bought some picnic food from Albertsons, my father worked at their warehouse and loved everything Albertsons. We would lay around, eat and play. He climbed the higher slides with me and pushed me on the swings.
On this occasion when I was nursing the swollen appendix, he took me to the park, in hopes that I would leap into health and wreak havoc on the playground. But I couldn’t. I just laid there on the cold sheet on the grass and watched as other kids slid down the fireman poles and pushed each other down the slides.
I sensed my fathers helplessness then and consequently every time I got sick. He loved to buy me Kerns juices, 7 Up and Gatorade. He fed me Campbell soups, if not his own beef stew. Pop dukes could cook a mean stew with potatoes and corn and celery. The same recipe that i have cooked for my loved ones infirm.
Even after my parents divorce, when I was sick, he would come over with his goody bag. I would not get better until my father showed up kinda like when you start feeling better on your way out the doctors office. Our minds, as unreal as they are sure do the funniest things.
I had never undergone a surgery until this past week. I finally got my tonsils out! Mom dukes to her place by my side. We got up early that morning and drove to the hospital. They prepped me in the waiting room and explained to moms that she had to wait in the lounge and that the doctor would talk to her as soon as the surgery was over. After I put on those god forsaken half robes where your ass sticks out the bed rolled in waiting to take me to the pre operation room where I would take a couple more tests and get the IV started. Moms gave me a kiss as they wheeled me off and I just laid there watching the lighting fixtures in the ceiling pass by me. Moms caught up to us on the elevator and asked the nurse if she could go into surgery with me. She wasn’t able to, but for the first time, I sensed her helplessness.
Moms is the epitome of womanly strength. She was hard, where my dad was soft. When I was younger and caught in-between the manipulations the usually come with divorce, my father used my mothers “hardness” against her and unconsciously against me. Its taken a long time for me to let go of certain images my father created in my head for his fear of losing my love. The irony here being that no matter what, my love for him will never lessen. Even when his deceitful character gets in the way.
I told her that I would be ok and she stayed until the elevator doors closed. The nurse smiled at me and commented that my moms was just nervous.
So they wheeled me in to Pre-Op and immediately I thought about that Fresh Prince episode where he got his tonsils removed. I think his room partner was Milton Berle. Anyways, Will was all scared that he might die or come back with a missing foot or arm instead. Milton Berle eased his pain and mentioned that things would be ok, not to mention that being nursed by a hot young girl would make the transition better.
He was right. I love male nurses! Especially the good looking ones.
Even though the process of getting an IV sucks, its always better to having something nice to look at and rub your head. Is that standard practice? Or did he not realize I’m 27 and not 13?
After what seemed like forever, and a hold up with my pregnancy test results, my doc and anesthesiologist came by for a quick visit.
I was off to surgery.
Moved from the regular bed to the operation bed, there was a really nice heating pad under me. The doctor asked if I had heard any good jokes lately and I said I did but they where too dirty to mention. He laughed and said, “those are the best”. He stated telling one about these three midgets. So the midgets are drinking at the bar and one of them says, “ I have the worlds smallest ears, I’m going to sign up for the Guinness World book of records. The second one says, I have the worlds smallest nose, I want to sign up too. The last midget says, I have the worlds smallest penis I want to come too…..
At this point they put a oxygen mask around my face and lay my arms out. I never got to hear then end of the joke.
I woke up suddenly, I could barely open my eyes. My face felt so itchy and my throat dry. The nurses kept telling me the surgery was over and that everything was fine. The only thing I could think was what the damn punch line to the joke was. After I threw up what seemed like buckets of blood, my doc came over and reassured me that the procedure had gone perfect. I asked him with my eyes half closed, “what happened to the midgets?” he chuckled and said that he couldn’t tell me….
